urineacoma's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Invisible I am so good at pretending everything is ok. i sometimes fool myself. i didnt even realize how hurt and sad ive been until last night i just lost it. Sometimes i feel like to my mom and ken im transparent.. im just a whole in their wallet... u can go and come as u please spend money blah blah but as far as how was your day? how is school? whats new? They dont care.. i understand they are opening a new business i should be responsible cook my own dinner do my own everything im 18 but.. aknowledge me please.. I see my dad maybe 2 times a week.. more now.. and he cares and pays more attention to the things i say than my mom and step dad and i live with them. all i am is a bug that asks for things here and there.. i could move out and it would be the same as if i lived here at my parents home i do whatever i want.. this freedom is hard for me to handle because i still very much feel like i kid. i guess i should just get use to it. but please mom just tell me u love me.. atleast just once. my health is evaporating.. i eat a meal a day at the most. partly because of my tongue piercing. i cant sleep at night because im stressed, depressed, and i worry about things. i have constant head aches.. feel lightheaded and sick to my stomach.... the only time i dont feel this horrible feeling is when im surrounded by my wonderful friends I had so much fun yesterrday doing absolutley nothing.. with christian and kirk jay and brandon came over too for a while those guys are fun without girly drama... they dont gossip or anything they are just funny cool guys. nothing went on last night but its ok cuz i was with kirk. who i wouldnt get through life without. hes my gaurdian angel. Im going to the horse races hopefully ill make some money today. im feeling better already.. i just needed to vent.. i wish i could tell my parents how i feel.. this diary will just have to do 11:53 a.m. - 2004-03-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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