urineacoma's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i will be better than u so yeah. i pretty much start school tomorrow.. my whole summer is gone.. i am going to college. we sorta i mean its De Anza. I dont know what to make of my life at the moment. I really am happy.. but i also feel like a fly on the wall.. just watching everyone have fun and do things and just being happy for them, and not really doing things that make me happy. reguardless im still all happy go lucky about the boring life ive been living.. im almost really glad for summer to be over. It smells like fall its nice and cool i LOVE IT. i can start making scarfs again.. i love driving in the cold with my heater on, its a really nice feeling.. more so then it being fucking hot as hell with the ac blowing in my face. i cant wait to watch the leaves turn yellow and brown then kick around in the big piles of leaves. im such a silly billy. I miss my dad alot.. hes going through a mess around now.. sometimes i feel like i dont know who he is anymore and i would give anything to go back to the times where he'd pick me up on fridays, wed rent a movie and i could just be with a DAD, i havent had that in sooooo long.. my step dad just cant fill that void in my life.. hes so the stereo typical steps in feels like he needs to be hard on me.. i cant get close to him when i really have this built up animosity toward him. i miss my grandmother.. i wish my mom would stop drinking... i hate it when she drinks and then tries to talk to me... we cant get anywhere when she can hardly comprehend a damn word i say... she thinks because she financially supports me ( which i fucking appreciate even tho i am a bit spoiled) she thinks i owe her alot and i do alot to help her out.. but the emotional part.. shes not there for me... its tooo hard.. i tell all my problems to my poor boyfriend who has no clue on how to fix my family he just tries to hold me and tell me it will be alright when i know he is lying.. some how i still feel comfort in his words as i cry it all out and begin to feel better.. some day i will be independent and have my own family to care about and they will care for me for i wont put work before my kids or my partying habits before my kids..ill have a good job so i can spend money on them as well as time with them. 2:15 p.m. - 2004-09-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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